Monday, August 18, 2008

Emiko: Day 4, Fatigue v. Energy

The first two-thirds of today I was in a total haze. I felt really fatigued, lazy, and unmotivated and that just made me feel crappy and down. Emotionally I was pretty out of whack, which is abnormal for me because, as Adrian says, I am "usually just a happy-go-lucky girl." Today was the first time during the PCP that I have felt that major lack of energy that led me to apply for the PCP in the first place. While I was experiencing it, the lack of energy made me feel even less optimistic...but soon I realized that so much of that was a falling into old habits and not examining my actions.

Along with Adrian, I waited until about 6pm to begin my exercises. In fact, I am glad he got started first because if he hadn't made that move I may not have started until much later. The fatigue I was feeling made me not want to do much of anything. I kind of lay stagnant, seemingly unable to move my own body around or to get my brain working past half-speed. 

Boy do I regret not doing the exercises in the morning. After engaging my body and getting my blood flowing and muscles working, my energy level came bursting up. Now it's three hours later, I am showered and filled with curry and tea, and yet I still feel energetic. Feeling so good and in touch with my body makes me really want to sit zazen, or draw. Something that engages my body and mind. I think I may go to that right after I post this. 

A fog has truly lifted, and I feel much clearer...and happier.
<3>

2 comments:

Patrick said...

Here's the truth.

It's much harder thinking about doing exercise than actually doing it.

Find a way to short-circuit the thoughts that make training seem like a big deal. You're just moving your body in a certain way for a few minutes. That's all. It's no big deal and nothing to be averse too.

We all struggle with this but there's a point when you hear the internal whiner say "But I'm tiiiiiiiired" and you just say, "oh shut up... where's my jumprope?"

Tim said...

Oh, boy, the word verification actually means something (in Japanese): "katai" means "hard (to the touch)". So don't be so "hard" on yourself. Sounds like your body came through with the right message. Keep at it!