I have been thinking a lot lately about how I warp reality in my life, and specifically with the PCP. Adrian has noticed how obsessive I have become with my progress, and I am having to deal with that. I have been getting down on myself for not losing fat, and then pushing myself too hard during workouts. I do this as if it will make me change faster. Patrick has warned us against this mindset, but I still let myself fall into it.
I feel like this obsession is rooted in my low self-esteem regarding my body and ability. In the past, I have never had the will-power to follow a healthy diet or exercise with any regularity. This was probably mostly because I didn't believe that I could change myself. Now that my life is changing so much, my attitude has also changed. Or has it? I put a lot of pressure on myself to succeed. Because I am not used to this amount of effort, I don't really know where my boundaries are. I don't know when to draw the line and say, "hey, maybe I should just stop." I don't know where that line belongs.
So that is where my challenge lies now, in learning my boundaries and respecting them. These past few days I have tried to be aware of my body and scale back on an exercise if I needed to. But I am also scared of using this search for boundaries as an excuse to ease up too much. I am still scared of falling back into my old lazy patterns, and doing only the minimum when I could do more. I am having trouble finding the middle way, feeling out where the line should be drawn. But I'm trying.
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3 comments:
I've got your middle way right here. Just follow your plan. Eat what's on your diet, do your exercises, and after that, forget about the PCP. Just get on with your life. I also had to deal with my own obsessiveness regarding conditioning, like trying too hard to force a full split.
Finally I came to a place where I just saw the PCP as a kind of job I had. You go to work, you do your job, but if you're a healthy person you don't go home and think about your job all night. You explore other sides of yourself.
Good luck and take comfort in the fact that wrestling with this stuff is the true work of the PCP, not building your trapezius muscles!
Once the subconscious has got hold of an idea, it really doesn't like to have it changed, does it! You are right, belief is essential. You believe when you know it is true. And now you know it is true. And we know it too. You CAN do it. As Patrick said, trying to do more is not what it is all about. Finding balance is important too. (Maybe I should listen to myself sometimes lol).
girl I am totally there with you.
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